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No One Murdered Because Of This Image
Following the publication of the image above, in which the most cherished figures from multiple religious faiths were depicted engaging in a lascivious sex act of considerable depravity, no one was murdered, beaten, or had their lives threatened, sources reported Thursday.. . -
Julia’s Circle of Life
The continuing adventures of Barack Obama's favorite eyeless, mouthless government dependent. . -
Details Of The NFL Bounty Scandal
The NFL’s bounty investigation has triggered one of the biggest scandals in league history, and it’s no simple matter. Onion Sports breaks down the most important points:. -
Report: Presidents Washington Through Bush May Have Lied About Key Matters
In allegations likely to further erode Americans' faith in the office of the presidency, presidents George Washington through George W. Bush may have lied about key matters of national import during their tenures as chief executive, an independent-counsel investigation asserted Monday. . -
Facts Without Wikipedia
Beware what's on Twitter on this Wikipedia-free day.. . -
Saturday Night Live Takes On College Coach Molestation Scandals
Last night’s Saturday Night Live was pretty solid. There wasn’t anything groundbreaking, but one sketch was relevant to the world of sports. SNL writers took full advantage of the fact that Steve Buscemi looks like a guy who might touch a kid in their Penn State/Syracuse scandal parody. Not that the attorney in this sketch would have pressed charges anyway.More » -
Nike Signs Big Brown To $90 Million Horseshoe Contract
In a move that added the world's pre-eminent equine athlete to its stable of endorsers Tuesday, Nike signed Kentucky Derby and Preakness Stakes winner Big Brown to a seven-year, $80 million endorsement contract that included a $10 million signing bonus as well as the creation of a signature horseshoe, the Air Brown.
"Nike is ecstatic to sign the top star in horseracing," CEO and Nike president Mike Parker said, unveiling the "jumphorse" logo as the Kentucky-bred colt trotted onstage. "From Michael Jordan to Tiger Woods, Nike has created formidable partnerships with the very best in sports. I can't say how proud we are to work with B.B., who is an extraordinary individual both on and off the track."More » -
Ghost Of Barbaro Appears To Teach Nation True Meaning Of Barbaro Day
Exactly one year to the day after Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro was tragically taken from us before his time, an apparition of the beloved racehorse appeared in the morning sky to teach Americans from all walks of life about the true meaning of Barbaro Day.
Barbaro, assuming the spirit form of the healthy young colt America fell in love with before a severely broken right leg derailed his career and threatened his very life, manifested himself in the heavens during a Churchill Downs memorial ceremony in his honor. Across the nation, people reported seeing the thoroughbred's benevolent countenance appear among the clouds—his large liquid eyes looking solemn yet hopeful, his auburn mane swaying in the breeze, and his ethereal face suffused with a heavenly inner light that cast a gentle warmth over the masses.
"My dear friends, it is I, Barbaro," the firmament-spanning equine proclaimed in his trademark deep, wavering baritone. "I come to you on this, the first Barbaro Day, to remind you that despite what you may see on television and in department stores, this day is not about big parades, or fancy toys, or getting your picture taken next to a mall Barbaro. Nor is it about draping wreaths and garland over the neck of your loved ones, sipping mint juleps at office Barbaro Day parties, or even about winning horse races."More »
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kris is discussing. 
kris is discussing.